This weekend tested how far I was willing to go to make Craig happy while staying sane. I think I passed that limit this weekend.
I won't say what I did to pass that limit, but just that it was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. And I don't think I could do it again. And it's not even the worst thing I could have done.
Part of me wishes that what we had to do ends up not working. Because if it were me, I wouldn't have done it. It's a payback to Craig for making me do it. Which I hate. But I don't think he realizes how far out of myself I had to go. And that I only did it because of him. To make him feel better.
My heart hurts. I want to cry all the time. I'm being such a girl right now and I hate that too.
Showing posts with label thoughtful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughtful. Show all posts
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Week 7
Best Friends
I've been asked this a couple times before and after us getting married. Oh, the question varies, but it usually just means: "Are you guys best friends?".
I have to think about this really hard each time. Even though I always come up with the same answer. "No, we're not." which shocks people. understandably so.
I just can't bring myself to call Craig my best friend. To me, a best friend is someone you can tell all your secrets to, you're not afraid of what they think of you, and you can count on them to be around for you when your at your absolute worst.
I tell Craig about 95% of everything, there's just some things he really doesn't need to know. I may not be afraid of what he thinks of me, but you better believe I'm being the best me so he doesn't have to see my worst. Why would I want that? Why would I want him to see that? I don't want my husband (still ew) to realize he married a potentially crazy person (hehehe.. not thaaaat crazy). And I reapply makeup after work, don't let him see me without makeup until bedtime or wake up, don't eat as much as I want (which is really for the better), all so I can not look at my absolute worst. I think the day I stop doing all that for him is the day we've lost our romance and now we're just roommates.
Don't worry! I express most of my feelings, but I've learned to sensor so we can have a peaceful relationship. Not one with lots of drama and crazy-face stuff.
But with all of that in mind... I don't do things with my best friend that I would absolutely do with Craig. I don't carry on a sexual relationship with my best friend (sorry puppy!;p lol), I can fall asleep without my best friend laying next to me-I have a horrible time without Craig, and I don't share money or my opinion on what we should do with our money with my best friend. I'd be absolutely stupid not to do it with Craig. though, i will buy stuff for my best friend, but I'm not going to open a personal bank account with my best friend... definitely a business bank account!! hehehe.
He considers me his best friend, but it's a little different. He doesn't have his previous best friends around us anymore, and they hardly talk. He has good friends here, but they aren't best friends. I hope it changes. That there's someone that he can hang out with at any time and he doesn't get sick of them after a while... Of course, he's a dude, so he can blow off the "sick of them" easier than I can. But I wish it was better for him.
Anyway! I love him so much, but he's not my best friend.
I've been asked this a couple times before and after us getting married. Oh, the question varies, but it usually just means: "Are you guys best friends?".
I have to think about this really hard each time. Even though I always come up with the same answer. "No, we're not." which shocks people. understandably so.
I just can't bring myself to call Craig my best friend. To me, a best friend is someone you can tell all your secrets to, you're not afraid of what they think of you, and you can count on them to be around for you when your at your absolute worst.
I tell Craig about 95% of everything, there's just some things he really doesn't need to know. I may not be afraid of what he thinks of me, but you better believe I'm being the best me so he doesn't have to see my worst. Why would I want that? Why would I want him to see that? I don't want my husband (still ew) to realize he married a potentially crazy person (hehehe.. not thaaaat crazy). And I reapply makeup after work, don't let him see me without makeup until bedtime or wake up, don't eat as much as I want (which is really for the better), all so I can not look at my absolute worst. I think the day I stop doing all that for him is the day we've lost our romance and now we're just roommates.
Don't worry! I express most of my feelings, but I've learned to sensor so we can have a peaceful relationship. Not one with lots of drama and crazy-face stuff.
But with all of that in mind... I don't do things with my best friend that I would absolutely do with Craig. I don't carry on a sexual relationship with my best friend (sorry puppy!;p lol), I can fall asleep without my best friend laying next to me-I have a horrible time without Craig, and I don't share money or my opinion on what we should do with our money with my best friend. I'd be absolutely stupid not to do it with Craig. though, i will buy stuff for my best friend, but I'm not going to open a personal bank account with my best friend... definitely a business bank account!! hehehe.
He considers me his best friend, but it's a little different. He doesn't have his previous best friends around us anymore, and they hardly talk. He has good friends here, but they aren't best friends. I hope it changes. That there's someone that he can hang out with at any time and he doesn't get sick of them after a while... Of course, he's a dude, so he can blow off the "sick of them" easier than I can. But I wish it was better for him.
Anyway! I love him so much, but he's not my best friend.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Between Week 4 & 5
This was so funny to me that I had to share it.
Someone asked me if I had the "newlywed glow" at work (we work in different offices) and I replied with:
"no, public happiness makes me uncomfortable"
which is true. I don't like the comments of "awww" and "how cute!" "newlyweds!" or the advice of what to look for in our marriage. I mean there is a lot of great advice out there.. for instance what my grandpa told us at our wedding. Which I can't remember the exact words, but it pretty much meant, marriage is hard work.
What I don't like is the "ohh, just you wait, you guys will hate each other" or the "just wait until he sees some hot young thing, you'll be dumped in a heartbeat" I don't know who they are married to, but it's definitely not to my (ew) husband (ew). Good thing he's not around when this happens because then I'd have to speak up and start a fight. Without him around I can just remind myself that they're miserable, and they just want someone else to bask in their misery too. and then I don't have to get in a fight with them about how they're miserable. Because usually it's in public.
Anyway, there's no "married glow" because we're just.. us. And we like that. Maybe later I'll be frustrated that I didn't soak up all the attention, but by that point, maybe it'd be time for a renewing of vows with our kids or something, then we can be as cutesy as we want.
Someone asked me if I had the "newlywed glow" at work (we work in different offices) and I replied with:
"no, public happiness makes me uncomfortable"
which is true. I don't like the comments of "awww" and "how cute!" "newlyweds!" or the advice of what to look for in our marriage. I mean there is a lot of great advice out there.. for instance what my grandpa told us at our wedding. Which I can't remember the exact words, but it pretty much meant, marriage is hard work.
What I don't like is the "ohh, just you wait, you guys will hate each other" or the "just wait until he sees some hot young thing, you'll be dumped in a heartbeat" I don't know who they are married to, but it's definitely not to my (ew) husband (ew). Good thing he's not around when this happens because then I'd have to speak up and start a fight. Without him around I can just remind myself that they're miserable, and they just want someone else to bask in their misery too. and then I don't have to get in a fight with them about how they're miserable. Because usually it's in public.
Anyway, there's no "married glow" because we're just.. us. And we like that. Maybe later I'll be frustrated that I didn't soak up all the attention, but by that point, maybe it'd be time for a renewing of vows with our kids or something, then we can be as cutesy as we want.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Week 1
I guess I wanted to verify that Craig really meant the "in sickness" part of the vows, because I got sick... allllll week.
Monday, I woke up with a really bad sore throat and a runny nose. I couldn't swallow.. well, without crying.
I tried SOOOOO hard to get Craig to go ride horses. But to no avail. We did go to the horses and drop off all the left over apples though! They were pretty happy to get the 5 bags from us. But Craig and I went with my Dad and his girlfriend Ann around all of Lake Tahoe. It took us like 5 hours, but we stopped a lot. Once was in Reno.. only to walk through a super smokey casino to get back over the California line so we can eat in a non-smokey environment. haha.
We left early the next morning to get back home and to kitties. I was so tired and sick that I tried very hard not to pass out.. but by the time we got everything inside and we put all the awesome money we got in the bank so we wouldn't lose it.. picked up a kitty bed for Rogue... I passed out for a couple hours on the bed. I couldn't stay awake to help Craig put everything away. His parents called some time during then, and I remember being barely awake for that, but otherwise, it was just me in the middle of the bed... sleeeeeping. I think I had Isis for a little bit too. She likes sleeping on the bed... spread out.
Wednesday was an extra "recovering" day for us, so that's what we did... or tried. I was still sick. Craig was awesome and took care of me, making me everything, trying to make me feel better.
I missed both Thursday and Friday of work, but I was so dizzy and nauseous it wasn't even funny. No way would I have been able to drive in to work without endangering myself or others on the road.
Craig played the "Engineering vs Marketing" softball game on Friday night, and won (Engineering). I finally was let out of the house and we went over to some friends house.. Then Saturday morning, Craig played in a double elimination softball tournament that his company put on. They played 4 games back to back.. to back to back. I took several pictures of everyone. I'll put them up later (still editing Justin and Saranade's wedding photos. I want those puppies done!!)
It was a great day. Got introduced as a wife, which was weird. But otherwise, it was great.
Sunday, I tried playing a softball game (softball weekend! holy moly) but I could only make it to bat and play 2 innings in outfield. I totally couldn't do any more. I was shaking, could hardly breath, coughing from just running to first.. And even today, I'm at about 75%. which usually I'm at about a 90%... I'll probably sleep for hours when I get home today.
That was week 1! I think we've totally reached the peak of our "awww so cute, newlyweds" stage.. we feel the same, the only difference is how we introduce each other now.
I don't like real cutesy stuff, it's awkward. So the 1 week of hearing that was way too much. Sure, we may miss out on one of "the best time in our lives" but I don't think so. Craig asked me to rub his back in front of his coworkers and I immediately did it. They came back with "awww. just wait, she's only doing this now because you just got married". But I don't think so. what I thought was.. He just played 4 straight games of really good softball. He could probably use a rubbing... AND, that means I can ask for one later :D. Plus, he'd taken care of me so diligently while I was bedridden the whole week. It's the least I can do for him.
But I hope we don't lose what we had when we were dating. The constant need to prove that we love each other. I think that's what those kinds of comments really mean. That people get too comfortable and realize that their life isn't all sunshine and butterflies any more and try to ruin it for others. I dunno. They're great people... but had they met Craig and I before we got married (well.. met me, but seen us together) then maybe we wouldn't hear that. Because we feel the same. Except for now we can start saving and doing, rather than thinking "After the wedding" after everything we decide we want/need/would like to do.
In conclusion... Craig really meant his vows of "in sickness and in health"... we've used up all our tolerance for newlywed comments... or even being "newlyweds"... we feel the same as dating (as I told him that wouldn't change for years ;P)... and we love that we feel that way. Our first week was great. Same as dating!
Monday, I woke up with a really bad sore throat and a runny nose. I couldn't swallow.. well, without crying.
I tried SOOOOO hard to get Craig to go ride horses. But to no avail. We did go to the horses and drop off all the left over apples though! They were pretty happy to get the 5 bags from us. But Craig and I went with my Dad and his girlfriend Ann around all of Lake Tahoe. It took us like 5 hours, but we stopped a lot. Once was in Reno.. only to walk through a super smokey casino to get back over the California line so we can eat in a non-smokey environment. haha.
We left early the next morning to get back home and to kitties. I was so tired and sick that I tried very hard not to pass out.. but by the time we got everything inside and we put all the awesome money we got in the bank so we wouldn't lose it.. picked up a kitty bed for Rogue... I passed out for a couple hours on the bed. I couldn't stay awake to help Craig put everything away. His parents called some time during then, and I remember being barely awake for that, but otherwise, it was just me in the middle of the bed... sleeeeeping. I think I had Isis for a little bit too. She likes sleeping on the bed... spread out.
Wednesday was an extra "recovering" day for us, so that's what we did... or tried. I was still sick. Craig was awesome and took care of me, making me everything, trying to make me feel better.
I missed both Thursday and Friday of work, but I was so dizzy and nauseous it wasn't even funny. No way would I have been able to drive in to work without endangering myself or others on the road.
Craig played the "Engineering vs Marketing" softball game on Friday night, and won (Engineering). I finally was let out of the house and we went over to some friends house.. Then Saturday morning, Craig played in a double elimination softball tournament that his company put on. They played 4 games back to back.. to back to back. I took several pictures of everyone. I'll put them up later (still editing Justin and Saranade's wedding photos. I want those puppies done!!)
It was a great day. Got introduced as a wife, which was weird. But otherwise, it was great.
Sunday, I tried playing a softball game (softball weekend! holy moly) but I could only make it to bat and play 2 innings in outfield. I totally couldn't do any more. I was shaking, could hardly breath, coughing from just running to first.. And even today, I'm at about 75%. which usually I'm at about a 90%... I'll probably sleep for hours when I get home today.
That was week 1! I think we've totally reached the peak of our "awww so cute, newlyweds" stage.. we feel the same, the only difference is how we introduce each other now.
I don't like real cutesy stuff, it's awkward. So the 1 week of hearing that was way too much. Sure, we may miss out on one of "the best time in our lives" but I don't think so. Craig asked me to rub his back in front of his coworkers and I immediately did it. They came back with "awww. just wait, she's only doing this now because you just got married". But I don't think so. what I thought was.. He just played 4 straight games of really good softball. He could probably use a rubbing... AND, that means I can ask for one later :D. Plus, he'd taken care of me so diligently while I was bedridden the whole week. It's the least I can do for him.
But I hope we don't lose what we had when we were dating. The constant need to prove that we love each other. I think that's what those kinds of comments really mean. That people get too comfortable and realize that their life isn't all sunshine and butterflies any more and try to ruin it for others. I dunno. They're great people... but had they met Craig and I before we got married (well.. met me, but seen us together) then maybe we wouldn't hear that. Because we feel the same. Except for now we can start saving and doing, rather than thinking "After the wedding" after everything we decide we want/need/would like to do.
In conclusion... Craig really meant his vows of "in sickness and in health"... we've used up all our tolerance for newlywed comments... or even being "newlyweds"... we feel the same as dating (as I told him that wouldn't change for years ;P)... and we love that we feel that way. Our first week was great. Same as dating!
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